In a discussion with Tara Butler, a leadership coach and mentor, we talked about the importance of recognizing what serves individuals, relationships, and organizations. Too often we ignore that people and/or projects drain our energy and we push through it no matter how it feels. Are you currently working on something or with someone that leaves you feeling drained and exhausted? Is this a pattern?

This does not serve the individual, the team, or the organization. Tara and I are talking about “equal energy exchange” – everything we do needs energy and our mind, body, and spirit have reserves that only go so far.

How Emotions Are Made

In her groundbreaking book “How Emotions Are Made” the neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett talks about the resources our “body budget” uses and needs.

We need to pay attention to body signals, stay curious, and be intentional in how we approach relationships and how we communicate. Tara highlights the need for leaders to take time before making decisions, listen to their bodies, and communicate openly to maintain alignment and prevent energy drains.

We talk a lot about listening to our bodies and body signals but what does it actually mean? Our bodies are part of the intelligence that we have access to. They are part of the system that communicates wisdom in the form of sensory information from the body to the brain. Our heart rate, gut feelings, and tension in the neck and shoulders are ways that the body is trying to tell us something. Checking in to what is going on inside our bodies and the signals we get from there is also called interoception. Practicing interoception, and being aware of the signals from our body can help us understand our emotions better and how to regulate our “body budget” (see Lisa Feldman Barrett).

When I coach leaders we often work on boundaries and “ask for what you need”. Done so with curiosity and openness will create good relationships. If we become over-extended and we feel we have become “martyrs” this eventually will create resentment and frustration. This energy will be felt by others and impact others negatively.

The importance of being aware of how one's energy impacts others and the value of forming alliances and partnerships based on shared values and mutual benefit is often overlooked in organizations.

Feeling Drained? Discover Where Your Energy is Going