The Comparison Trap
Ever felt you’re just not ‘good enough’?
Ever looked around, compared yourself with others and found yourself coming up short?
Ever wondered, ‘what do they know that I don’t’?
Theodore Roosevelt called comparison ‘the thief of joy’.
It creates a barrier to abundance, preventing us from enjoying a full life of prosperity.
The “I am not enough” mentality can come in many shapes and sizes.
That little inner critic sings many tunes including…
I’m not pretty enough
I’m not hard-working enough
I’m not successful enough
I’m not smart enough
I’m not skinny enough
In other words, the “I’m not good enough” disease can touch any area of your life.
Whatever ‘not enough’ variety you wrestle with, none of them are fun and they all boil down to one mistaken belief…that you don’t ‘measure up’ while other people DO!
Let’s face it.
Social media only helps to feed our inner critic rather than silence it.
Every single day, we see parades of images with people living their perfect lives, showing off their perfect bodies, going to their perfect jobs and living in their perfect homes with their perfect partners.
Even though we know that most of these images are heavily ‘photoshopped’ (both literally and figuratively), it’s still too easy to fall into the comparison trap and to feel grossly inferior.
As Marianne Williamson has said, “In our natural state, we are glorious beings. In the world of illusion, we are lost and imprisoned, slaves…Our jailer is a three-headed monster; one head our past, one our insecurity, and one our popular culture.”
To some extent, comparing ourselves with others is part of human nature.
Social comparison theory, which was first developed in 1954 by psychologist Leon Festinger, argues that individuals determine their own social and personal worth based on how they feel they stack up against others.
There is even some evidence that comparing ourselves has a positive role to play from an evolutionary perspective in that it keeps us alert to what is around us and motivates us to improve.
However, it is equally true that people who regularly compare themselves to others also experience feelings of deep dissatisfaction, guilt or regret which can lead to all kinds of destructive behavior including manipulation, lying or eating disorders.
The bottom line is that what you focus on expands.
Instead of identifying where you fall short, why not find one thing you are proud of?
Instead of evaluating yourself against others, why not use your own inner compass and decide what is important to you and you only?
Instead of thinking about how you don’t measure up, why not find that thing which proves your beautiful and undeniable self-worth?
You are walking your own path.
Your life is about breaking your own limits, not worrying how you stack up to everyone else.
Connect with others.
But don’t compare.
When it comes to getting rid of the “I’m not enough” syndrome, be gentle with yourself.
Start small.
The journey to finding the glorious version of you is definitely a journey worth taking.
And remember, you are always good enough…
If you would like to explore some of these ideas with me, let’s get on the phone and chat.