The Most Important Advice You Will Ever Hear

What I’m going to talk about today might very well be one of the most important pieces of advice you will ever hear about mindset.

The topic?

The importance of distinguishing between ‘experience’ and ‘form’ when it comes to setting your goals.

We are trained from an early age to establish goals and take action on them.

Those goals almost invariably are built around external objectives such as buying the big house, getting that job promotion or making a certain salary.

We need to rethink this.

We need to distinguish between goals that are established by selecting an arbitrary external objective versus what we really want–an internal experience or emotion. 

For example, imagine your goal is to live in a 5-bedroom house with an ocean view. 

But what is really important isn’t necessarily the 5 bedrooms, the ocean or even the house itself. 

What is important is the experience it gives you…

How you feel when you putter in the garden, wake up in the morning or hang out with your friends there…

The size, shape, location and the view of the house are just external details.

What is important is the ‘house as experience’.

This confusion between experience and form is at the root of much unhappiness.

We desperately seek certain things (houses, cars, promotions,degrees) but when we get them, they disappoint (or the excitement about them is short-lived). 

That’s because we are not focusing on what really counts–how that ‘thing’ makes us feel.

Why not do things in the reverse?

When we set goals, let’s first identify the experiences we want and be open to what form that experience might eventually take.

In the above example, maybe a small cabin in the woods will give us what we want just as much (if not more) than a fancy house on a beach.

Having said all that, it can sometimes be challenging to figure out what is the underlying experience that we really seek.

One way to pinpoint that experience is by asking a series of “Whys.” 

Here’s an example…

You might say, “I want a promotion.”

Why?

“Because I want more money.”

Why?

“Because I want to travel.”

Why?

Because I want more adventure and freedom in life.

So, you’re not really looking for a promotion. 

You are looking for the experience of adventure and freedom.

But (and here’s the important part), ‘adventure’ and ‘freedom’ can be enjoyed in many ways–and doesn’t necessarily need to come in the form of a promotion.

When you start by establishing your desired experiences as goals (versus some arbitrary form of that experience), you will be on the right track to creating the fulfilling life you really want. 

Let’s talk about how you can get on the ‘right track’ in your life. 

You can set up a complimentary session with me here.